so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
