I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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