I accidentally burped into my bong.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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