Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
