They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
