sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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