Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
