Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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