cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
