yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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