My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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