he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
