david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
