you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
