wat bout pragnant strippers??
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
