It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
