I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize