I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
two words...techno handjob
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
