so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
