My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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