I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
