I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
