I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
