We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize