hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have already put on my inside pants.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
