wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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