I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
