I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
