420 ftw
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
