1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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