I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
