I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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