this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
