I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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