how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
