Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
