I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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