Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize