Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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