i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
