Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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