just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
