I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
