My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I look better un-naked...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
