I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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