Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
