sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
