They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
