eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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