I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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