Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize