i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
