There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
