everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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