that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
