He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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