Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
