I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
