I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize