AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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