he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
