Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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