please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
