If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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