Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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