Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
