I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
