Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
