no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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