not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
