Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
now i know why i became what i already was.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
