Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
