she was so not down for the gang bang
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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