why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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